Uncomfortable Grace

In the past week, I have been faced with quite a few uncomfortable situations. I have found that they tend to provoke one of two feelings within me: (a) uncomfortable recognition of my own failures, or (b) refreshing motivation and the "kick in the pants" I need to get me back on the right track.

 

Today, for the second week in a row, the homily at our school Mass has been full of a call to conversion. And not in the generic sense -- Father has been asking very pointed questions designed to pull us all out of our comfort zones and really look at our lives from a penitential perspective, without excuses. It has caused me to re-examine several areas of my own life; it has also made me think about the times I help others to make excuses instead of challenging them - and when I allow others to help me make excuses, too.

 

I have also been faced with the need to recognize my own inadequacies, not just in the theological sense and my need for Christ, but very concretely, in my own day-to-day life and personal habits. For example, my last-minute nature, which always results in a hectic scramble and unnecessary stress... or my tendency to over-commit to good and beneficial things, which tends to leave others hanging... or the fact that it is easy for me to idealize a situation and then get in over my head when reality strikes.

 

My good intentions don't always have good results -- and it is very uncomfortable to "'fess up" to the fact that I am unable to follow through on even the best intentions. However, I have had the pleasure of watching some of my students handle uncomfortable situations with such grace that it immediately humbles me.

 

First, a student came up to me and very respectfully pointed out that I had chosen the same cantors for Mass for a few weeks while others had not been given the chance for a few months. My students know there are many variables that I consider when selecting cantors, but she had the courage to politely stand up for her peers. Although it's uncomfortable to stand up to authority, she didn't take the easy way out when she saw an injustice to another.

 

Even more powerful, I had the privelage of witnessing a conversation between another student and another authority figure. We were discussing Lenten reconciliation services, and the student turned and asked, "So how is your soul?" At first, I was taken aback -- but then I realized the incredible beauty of the friendship unfolding before my eyes. He was not trying to pry, probably not really expecting an answer. He wasn't trying to condemn, but to offer a pointed question aimed at self-reflection, just like Father intended with his homilies.

 

This conversation has stuck with me over the past few days, and it has brought a renewed seriousness to the relationships in my life. If the purpose of friendship is to help one another deepen our relationships with Christ and to one day enter into heaven, shouldn't we all have the courage to ask this question? Sure, it might be uncomfortable, but as Pope Benedict XVI said, "...you are not meant for comfort. You are meant for greatness!"

 

May we all have the grace to face uncomfortable situations with honesty and humility instead of taking the easy way out.